Angels in our Hearts

The hardest grief for a woman to ever bear is the loss of a child. Unborn, stillborn or infant, the pain is still the same. Your life is spent thinking as the years go by. This year you would have started school and this year you would have graduated. What color is your hair now and are your eyes still blue. Are you a daddy’s girl or maybe mama’s boy. Are you daddy’s little shadow or mama’s little helper.

Life goes on, but on your day of birth, or death, or the day your heart stopped beating. Those days are unbearable for a mother. Her heart aches to hear this child say mama and her arms ache to hold an angel. 39 years ago last August I lost my angel. 34 years ago last May I lost my angel. 24 years ago last November I lost my angel. Along the way I’ve had 4 more that lived. People say I’m blessed, but I will always grieve for the ones that are gone.

Today is a hard day for a very special friend. Today I grieve with her for I know how hard it is. I’ve researched some of these quotes and some were given to me by friends who care.

“Tiny angel rest your wings sit with me for awhile. How I long to hold your hand and see your tender smile. Tiny angel, look at me I want this image clear…That I’ll forget your precious face that is my biggest fear. Tiny Angel, can you tell me why you have gone away? You weren’t here for very long… why is it you couldn’t stay?”
Tiny Angel shook his head: “These things I do not know… But I do know that you love me, and that I love you so.”
Author Unknown

What we have once enjoyed and deeply loved we can never lose, for all that we love deeply becomes a part of us.
Helen Keller
If love could have saved you, you would have lived forever.
Author Unknown

Listen for my footfall in your heart.
I am not gone but merely walk within you.
Nicholas Evans

How very softly you tiptoed into our world, almost silently, only a moment you stayed. But what an imprint your footsteps have left upon our hearts.
Dorothy Ferguson

“Do not judge the bereaved mother. She comes in many forms.
She is breathing, but she is dying.
She may look young, but inside she has become ancient.
She smiles, but her heart sobs.
She walks, she talks, she cooks, she cleans, she works, she IS, but she is not, all at once.
She is here, but part of her is elsewhere for eternity.”
Author unknown

 

God bless you Red and all the other mommies that are missing their angels.

Life

Most people believe that life starts when you are born. I have decided that my life is just beginning. Before this I was just existing in a world others controlled as a daughter, sister, niece and cousin. Later I existed as a wife, mother, aunt, grandmother and greataunt. Let’s not forget sister-in-law and mother-in-law. I am slowly leaving all this behind. The only part that hurts is leaving my grandchildren behind, but they have parents that still control their world.

Because I decided to leave behind anyone that appeared to be causing me depression, anxiety and hatred of self, I was called stupid and was told I needed an attitude adjustment. Because I gained weight when I decided to stop smoking so I would be allowed to see my grandson, I was called fat and out of control. After watching said grandson for 6 months and gaining more weight because of the stress of worrying that I would say or do something to piss my daughter off, I had a female friend of 18 years, in her house without her permission. I have not watched him since and have only seen him once in the past 8 months.

Now I begin my life. I will not stress about what others think or say about me. I go where I want, when I want. My life now belongs to only me for the first time in 58 1/2 years. My dream is to move away from everyone. God is my support and my comfort. Next is my baby brother, Grant and his amazing girlfriend, Red. Thanks for being there for me. My life is waking up. Hope to see you as I continue on my journey.

My brain has come alive.

Sexuality–When Did You Choose?

Anyone that knows me, knows that I usually keep silent on the topic of sexuality. There was a question posed on a video I watched that touched something in me and my mind keeps telling me to talk about it. This is my way of talking.

I myself have never had the thought or urge to engage in a sexual act with another female. I have been heterosexual my whole life and have enjoyed it immensely. A good satisfying sex life is vitally important to living your life. As a Christian, I do not believe that God condones the homosexual lifestyle. There are different passages that speak about homosexuals and sodomites (male homosexuals) and the fact that it is a sin. But, there are also many passages that talk about adultery and sexual sin. According to the Bible I have committed adultery most of my adult life because I have been divorced 3 times and have lived with some out of wedlock. Before condemning someone, remember, the Bible also says, in a lot of places, that we have a forgiving God. God has not given you the right to condemn others just because you do not agree with their lifestyle.

The question posed to people was, “Do you think homosexuality is a choice or did it just happen?” After they told what they thought they were asked, “When did you choose to be straight?” Before condemning someone in the future about being homosexual, you need to first point the finger at yourself and ask, “Am I free from any sin?” As I said in an earlier blog, even gossip is a sin, in the same category with murder. I never chose to be straight and of the many gay people I have known in my life, none ever said it was a choice they made. One called it a conscious decision.

God isn’t finished with me yet. His forgiveness will span our lifetime.

Blab Blab Blab

Gossip happens every day. Some of it may be good, but a majority is considered bullying, inappropriate and an act of sinful nature. Nowadays with phones, computers and technology, a rumor (gossip) can spread instantly.

The earliest known use of gossip was by Shakespeare. In a quote he stated,  “Upon my tongue continual slanders ride, The which in every language I pronounce, Stuffing the ears of man with false reports.”   Many of us need to memorize this quote and learn the old adage, “think before you speak”.

I never thought about gossip being a sin until a former pastor did a sermon on the word. In Proverbs 18:8, ” The words of a gossip are like choice morsels; they go down to the inmost parts”. In Romans 1:29 and 30, 29 “They have become filled with every kind of wickedness, evil, greed and depravity. They are full of envy, murder, strife, deceit and malice. They are gossips, 30 slanderers, God-haters, insolent, arrogant and boastful;”.  That passage really made me think. Gossip is just as bad as murder in God’s eyes. 2 Corinthians 12:20, ” For I am afraid that when I come I may not find you as I want you to be, and you may not find me as you want me to be. I fear that there may be discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition,slander, gossip, arrogance and disorder.”  I see each of these sins almost daily. It is heartbreaking to me knowing that even though God has deemed these sins, many so called Christians will do some of these acts daily. 1 Timothy 5:13, ” Besides, they get into the habit of being idle and going about from house to house. And not only do they become idlers, but also busybodies who talk nonsense, saying things they ought not to.”  3 John 1:10, “So when I come, I will call attention to what he is doing, spreading malicious nonsense about us. Not satisfied with that, he even refuses to welcome other believers. He also stops those who want to do so and puts them out of the church.”

When we choose to gossip or listen to gossip we are demeaning the product of our gossip. Even if the gossip started out mild, as it gets spread, so does its meaning. Nothing ever gets told the same way twice. Someone has to embellish the tale, thereby changing it’s meaning.

This Soviet war poster conveys the message: “Don’t chatter! Gossiping borders on treason” (1941).

 

Gossip is wrong. This is a simple lesson to learn. I know I’m trying to learn this lesson. Even if the facts are true, it is still gossip. Most of all, try and desist talking about someone unless you have all the facts and this person has given you permission to discuss them. Case in point, I have a friend who is dying of cancer. She has asked me to get her story out so she can generate more prayers. Not prayers for continuation of her life, but prayers for some measure of relief from pain as her time to die draws near. Her faith in God grows stronger as he leads her on this path.

Researching all of this has put gossip on a new level for me. This is one place where being a Christian in today’s society can be challenging. I want to challenge you to make this walk of change with me.

Lunatic

An inmate had escaped from the nearby prison’s mental ward. He was serving a life sentence in the murder and mutilation of three women. While I was watching the news someone knocked at the door. The man standing there was very slovenly and dirty. I should not have opened the door. As he shoved in the door he grabbed me. In my room he found electric cords to tie me with. Finding scarves in my dresser, he grabbed some. He tied the scarves around my breast and pulled them as tight as possible. As he left the room I knew he was getting a knife. As he was looking at me, he said that I was different. Instead of boiling my breasts like the others, he thought he would try baking them this time.  As he lifted the knife I screamed and awoke. What a lunatic.

Allowed 150 words. Used 149.

To read more shorts written by other authors stop by The M3 Blog. Come join us and add your creativity to the rest. “Flash in the Pan” are very short stories written for a single word topic with a limited number of words allowed.

Deranged

I’ve lost my mind, at least I think so. Why else would I have shot him, then chopped him into many pieces. I’m glad he bought that bone saw last year to use on deer. I had told him to stop, to shut up, to leave me alone, but he just had to continue. You’re a dud, a failure, you can’t have babies. All I seem to remember hearing after that is it’s husband hunting season. They say I’m deranged. I still have his nose in my pocket. He should have kept it out of my business.

Allowed 100 words. Used 97.

To read more shorts written by other authors stop by The M3 Blog. Come join us and add your creativity to the rest. “Flash in the Pan” are very short stories written for a single word topic with a limited number of words allowed.

Cracked

He was tired. Nothing was going his way. Social security had turned him down again, After losing one leg and one arm in an accident his wife had left him. To make it worse, she had called him cracked, broken. Only God could help him now.

Allowed 50 words. Used 46.

To read more shorts written by other authors stop by The M3 Blog. Come join us and add your creativity to the rest. “Flash in the Pan” are very short stories written for a single word topic with a limited number of words allowed.

Irrational

Sandy had always been very imaginative and enjoyed writing stories. She had been to the book store and to the library to research different ways to make it look like someone had died naturally. But this wasn’t research for one of her stories. She checked no books out, bought no books, and did no research on her computer. She wanted no trace. She knew her thoughts were irrational, but the abuse appeared to be increasing. The book on toxic plants got Sandy’s thought processes rolling. She had a lot of these plants already in her garden or as house plants. He liked for her to make one pot meals like soups and casseroles and she could easily mix the plants in with his meals. That night as she placed a huge bowl of beef stew in front of him, she kissed him and told him to enjoy his meal.

Allowed 150 words. Used 149.

To read more shorts written by other authors stop by The M3 Blog. Come join us and add your creativity to the rest. “Flash in the Pan” are very short stories written for a single word topic with a limited number of words allowed.

Mad

Arriving home I went to the kitchen to start supper. My 2 boys were supposed to clean the kitchen that day. Kitchen looked great. Dishwasher empty and no dirty dishes in sight. No clean dishes in the cupboard either. I opened the oven and found it crammed full of dirty dishes. Mad is not a strong enough word for my feelings. “But mom,” my eldest said, “you did not tell us to wash the dishes.” Clarify!

Allowed 75 words. Used 74.

To read more shorts written by other authors stop by The M3 Blog. Come join us and add your creativity to the rest. “Flash in the Pan” are very short stories written for a single word topic with a limited number of words allowed.

Why I Choose to blog

 I like to write. My problem is that I like to write about my life, family and friends. Facebook is not the correct place to post these stories.

My life has been very full. Three ex-husbands, four children, two grandchildren, a mom and dad, two brothers, one sister and seven nephews. There has been over forty aunts and uncles in and out of my life. These people plus many friends are what makes up most of my stories.

This is my way to release all the sarcastic energy building up in my thoughts. Not all posts will contain sarcasm but there will be a lot. I tend to sit back and listen. You can hear and find out so much that way. A lot of my sarcasm is getting rid of the anger I have.

I have been introduced to Flash in the Pan writing. These are very short stories you write based on a series of words and a word limit. I have found that I am able to release my thoughts on these. You will see my stories posted here.

Have fun and enjoy.